Temptation

I don't remember the the exact date of the happening of this event but somehow due to it's dramatic and very significant traits, it has become a very recalled event for me. It's not kind of those theatrical dramas and emotional plot lines but just a kind of memory. The psychological thoughts being the highlights as for nothing actually happens. And thinking back to it the then excruciating moments and now kind of unravels into not exactly comical discipline but somehow "There's actually not much to that!" kind of thoughts. 

As a kid, I was one of those every other early Gen Z kind of child addicted to television. And during the exam period whatever came in TV was super interesting as watching them included mix of guilt and pleasures. This event I talked about above was during on of the Final Examination period. So during those examination period it would mostly be continuous act of last minute cramming, for increasing effectiveness to cut myself off the distraction I'd close of all the doors and windows. During the morning around our house it's usually quite noisy being right beside the road, So all round the day the mixture of noises are bearable. But when it becomes night most of the sounds starts to succumb and hence other certain sounds from neighboring households and TV starts getting more significant. More so to me because I'm in the state of utter concentration and the addiction to TV becomes a strong source of temptation.

The sounds that are not so interesting in normal days as then I'm busy doing more fun things that doesn't require me to concentrate on anything else than having fun, But now when I can concentrate then dazing out even the laughter next door becomes so interesting. It must be so as I'm restricting myself to solely be behind the door doing the monotonous reading at peaks of concentration with responsibility, being a multi-functional person my creativity also hits off the roof. I heard it somewhere that we have rich imagination which results in disappointment to book reader when they see the movie remake of the book. Thus this scenario of temptation and self-restraint convincing myself to not give up the resolute of my conscientiousness for then me was very intense. 

Literally thinking back of that time I could feel the crescendo of orchestra building breathtaking climax to portray the state I was in. How I would imagine all kind of things happening everywhere outside the closed door of my room while irrespective of them I would've stayed inside not giving up on my self-restraint consistency. Although it triggers existential crisis but somehow through the time I've realized things that are worked for doesn't have or have to have instantaneous results or any result at all. Thus trusting to be in this flow of ever continuing process of having to climb all kind of mountains and experience all the hardship in hopes for the short-lived but meaningful peaks along the way gifting us the clarity to be humble and self-reflect and also signifying us that it's end of one journey and start of the other.

Now, for the restrain has become a habit and due to the consistent grooming on focusing and controlling the temptations. Now those temptations have been significantly less effective as the resolve and pressure of some kind of responsibility has overpowered the essence of distractions that were possible to effect me in the past.