conversation

 While having self contemplation about the actuality about myself and conclusion to self identity, I have hard time giving a precise verdict. I thought it was my weakness and lack of enough self exploration due to my negligence and lack of knowledge about how and why it ought to have been done in past. But now I've conceived through a time full realization that it's rather normal, all that. See as 'the me' term is rather diverse, volatile, influenceable and change it's forms and destroy and coexists. Although the exquisite variety is possibility you have control over and having all of so of them is rather natural. Moreover it's a gift of nature for us to adapt and change for raw survival, as the fittest for survival aren't the strongest but the most flexibly adapting irrespective of how plain he may be. Thus on that matter to have no answer is rather better than the likes that of the well cut formed and forced false conclusion. The rigidity of conclusion is worse in my perspective. Rather starting blankly makes you more aware of surrounding, giving you with less clouded and prejudiced insight.

I don't seem to have that organization of ideas inside my mind. And certain questions asked to me about myself is rather perplexing. Also there aren't many people that I'm able to trust my freefall exposure totally. I seem to have a lot of trust issues.

But mom has become an exception, always has been. She someone who I have made as sanctuary niche of conformity (given there's love for me that's magnanimous in her). So while unconsciously I converse with her she's able to bring out things from me in rawest but yet the most organised form that I must have had inside in me all the time in the subconscious spectrum but it'd never be caught when I tried bringing it out. But she's able to spark light to such part very effectively and reflecting back to our such conversations really shocks me with final outcome.